


The Fuck Is With This Guy?

by glasvegi



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Butt Dialing, F/M, Fluff, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 04:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glasvegi/pseuds/glasvegi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times York accidentally called Washington (and one time Wash called him). </p>
<p>Originally an AU prompt that morphed into something with a life of its own,</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fuck Is With This Guy?

**Author's Note:**

> The AIs as cats are from KitschKit's Drunk With Cats AU, which you should read because it's wonderful and adorable and full of all the RVB people we love.
> 
> This started out as a fill for the prompt where someone makes a heartfelt call to the wrong number and turned into something else.

 

Washington reached into his pocket to pull out his ringing phone, disturbing his cat that had just fallen asleep on his lap.

“Sorry, Epsilon.”

York was calling; he answered the call, held the phone up to his ear, and-

_“Hey, you should come hang out tonight. I can’t talk for long- North’s bring a little bitch and needs to get to the gym right now- but I’ll text you the address, okay?”_

Wash looked down at his cats, his flannel pyjama pants, and his Netflix loading screen.

“Uh, okay, I guess I could come-”

_“Wash?”_

He sighed, knowing what could come next. “Yeah?”

_“Oh. Uh…”_

“Jesus! Change my contact name or something; it’s obviously too hard for you to actually call Carolina when you mean to.”

_“Sorry. Rain check?”_

Wash sat up on his couch, resting his arm against the back, “Are all you guys going out tonight?”

_“Gotta go! Bye, Wash.”_

Wash sighed, dismissing the “Call Ended” screen.

“Doesn’t even call me David, but no, that’s gotta be my contact name, he muttered, scratching Epsilon’s head.

 

His phone rang again, and before he could stop himself, he was snarling “I swear to God, York” into it.

_“Geez, Wash. A bit hostile.”_

“Sorry, Connie, I just-”

_“York keep calling you by accident?”_

“I… Yeah.” Wash leaned back, letting Delta rest on his chest.

_“Used to happen to me all the time. I just stopped answering after a while.”_ Wash swore he could hear her smile. _“Guess his contact list aim is really deteriorating.”_

“Guess so.” He could hear a laugh track play in the background. Connie always watched TV at ear-splitting, wake-you-up-at-six-AM-with-a-headache-and-the-Friends-theme volumes. “So what’s up? What the call?”

_“Just seeing what you were up to. Not out at some dive bar tonight?”_

“Well, I almost had plans,” Wash said, petting Delta absentmindedly, “But then someone realized it they’d called me by accident.”

_“Of course. So’re you settled in for the night?”_

“I’ve got some napping cats lying on me.” Wash gestured to said cats. He knew Connie couldn’t see him, but he felt it affirmed his statement. He’d probably send her a picture later anyways.

_“Alright. See you, Wash.”_

“Bye, Connie.” He ended the call and felt like he should have invited her over, gone over to her apartment, something.

He just sent her a picture of Delta and Epsilon and fell asleep.

 

 

 

York didn’t know what was happening when Carolina started looking at him.

“What?”

Then he saw North, smirking next to him as he took another bite of sandwich.

“I think you’ve got something playing on your phone.” Carolina raised her eyebrows. “Forget to close a tab last night?”

York reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “No, I’m sure I closed it- Oh, I’m calling Wash. Wait…”

He turned on speakerphone and breathy moans filtered out through the phone.

“Turn that down!” Carolina reached across the table, grabbing at the phone. “People are staring.”

York turned the volume down just as the moans got louder, higher pitched and more desperate.

_“Oh my god… Oh, ohmy god, Wash!”_

“Is that CT?” North leaned in, turning his head to angle an ear closer to the phone. “Doesn’t that sound like her voice?”

“Sounds like Wash is doing _something_ well,” Carolina said appreciatively.

_“Wash?”_ The moans stopped, and there was a rush of static. _“Do you hear that?_ ”

_“No, I…”_ More static; Wash’s cursing grew clearer.

_“Oh, for the love of-”_

York burst out laughing, Carolina and North joining in.

“High-five yourself for me, okay?” York asked. “Wash?”

_“How did you answer a fucking phone call?”_ Connie’s voice was clipped, and her anger was clear as day just with her tone.

_“I don’t know, I guess when I took it out of my pocket, ‘cause it was ringing, I must have- when I put it down- I don’t know!”_ Wash’s voice cracked over the last word.

“Connie!” York yelled into the phone, voice breaking with laughter. “Connie, don’t sweat it; he always picks up my booty calls, don’t-”

_“You haven’t hung up yet?!?”_

Wash stammered out a few sounds before the audio cut out, “Call Ended” blinking on the screen.

“Was that mean?” North cocked his head towards his friends, brow furrowing. He had a smile stretched across his face.

“Nah,” said York, putting his phone in his pocket. “Maybe he’ll learn how to handle his phone now.”

“Sounds like there’s something he can handle just fine,” Carolina muttered, picking up her sandwich.

 

 

 

York heard a breath on the other end and gripped his phone tighter in his hand.

“Thank God you picked up. I couldn’t do this to voicemail. I- If I don’t tell you this now,” he huffed, running a hand through his hair, “I just need you to know, okay? When you came up to me at that bar, it was like… Like I knew everything I’d been missing was there and it was you. You’re everything to me.”

He took a deep breath, trying to release the tension pooling in all his muscles. Even if Carolina was saying anything, he might not be able to hear over the pounding in his ears.

Oh, God. Carolina wasn’t saying anything.

“I’m not gonna lie, it would kill me if you didn’t feel the same way. I just have to tell you. I love you. I love you so much, so fucking much, I don’t know what to do with myself. And I think you love me. I hope you do, I- you can’t imagine how much I want you to feel the same.”

York didn’t even know what he was saying anymore; words rolled off his tongue and out of his mouth before he could decide if he wanted to let them out.

“For God’s sake, say something, please.”

_“Well… I’m flattered, York.”_

He straightened, his grip on his phone loosening

“Wash?”

_“I had no idea; you never even-”_

“Jesus.” York held the phone away from his ear and yup, “David Washington” was displayed on the screen.

He could hear Wash, still talking, his voice fading as York dropped his phone on the table in front of him. He brought his hands to his face, groaning.

_“York!”_ Wash was screaming, his voice blaring tinnily through the phone. _“What was that?”_ He paused. _“So you do have feelings for Lina?”_

York ended the call.

His phone buzzed twice. Flipping it over, he saw it was messages from Wash. It vibrated again, new texts appearing one on top of the other. He pulled the phone in front of him and opened their conversation.

 

**David Washington:** Come on, York.

**David Washington:** That was nice, but you’re going to Carolina with that?

**David Washington:** I’m sure you’ll do better next time. She’s ready whenever you are.

**York** : What?

**David Washington:** Oh yeah. Did we not invite you? I’m here with Lina, North, and CT.

**David Washington:** And our oldest friend, Speakerphone.

**David Washington:** She’s totally crying. You should come talk to her. I’ll give you the address.

**David Washington:** And please don’t call me again.

 

 

 

 

“York, what the fuck is going on? I… I’ll call Carolina. Just… Be okay.”

Wash lowered his phone, thoughts swimming and breaking apart. He opened his contact list and started calling.

Carolina’s phone rang once before going to voicemail; North’s gave an “out of service” message; South answered, but was just as confused as he was; and Connie’s went straight to voicemail.

Out of other options and wanting, needing to know what had happened to his friends, Wash tried York’s number again.

After the fourth ring, he heard rustling and beeping. And then Carolina’s voice.

_“Wash…”_

“Carolina, what the fuck happened? Where’s York?”

_“He- We’re at the hospital. There was an accident; it’s pretty bad. Maine and Wyoming are fine, but…”_

“Where is York? Which hospital?” Wash was already pulling on his shoes, searching for his keys in his pockets.

_“Wash, it’s-”_

“Carolina.”

She sighed, a tired sound that made him stop in his tracks.

_“Please. He’ll be out tomorrow, if everything’s still okay, but… York’s hurt, he won’t want you seeing him like this.”_

“Bullshit!” Wash leaned his back against the door to his apartment. “You can’t keep me from coming there.”

_“He lost an eye, Wash.”_ Her words caught the breath in his lungs, seizing him. _“Hearing loss too. He’s asleep right now, they haven’t told him how bad it is.”_

Wash exhaled. “I’m seeing him. I’ll wait ‘til tomorrow, but… Lina? Keep me updated?”

_“Will do.”_

He found Carolina outside York’s room, arms crossed and looking the part of guard dog. She spoke before Wash had the chance to.

“He’s meeting with an audiologist. Gonna be fitted with hearing aids.”

“Shit,” Wash breathed, trying to peek around Carolina into the room’s window. “He’s half-blind and deaf?”

Carolina stared down at Wash, green eyes boring into him. “Maybe you should go. He’s not-”

“No, I’m seeing him! He’s my friend too, Carolina.” He could feel his voice rising and saw the nurses that glanced over, unsure if he was going to be a problem.

Wash didn’t know either.

He tried to regulate his breathing, bringing all the techniques he’d been taught to the front of his thoughts.

His hands were shaking, knuckles white as they balled into fists.

“Let me know when they’re done.” Wash stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat and walked away.

 

When he got the text from Carolina, he was standing outside the hospital, cold biting at all his exposed skin.

He almost dropped his phone on the cement, numb fingers fumbling to catch it as he walked back inside.

Carolina’s scared, he realized, pressing the button for his floor as he caught an elevator. He hadn’t recognized it, had never seen it before, but she was scared. And that meant York must be, too.

He opened the door, stepping in quickly. Carolina looked up, York’s hand in hers, and a strained smile stretched her lips.

 

York turned his head towards the door.

“Hey, Wash.”

There was a bandage covering his left eye, and his arms were wrapped in gauze. He was covered in bruises, dark purple fading to sickly green; saying he looked like shit was generous.

“Wasn’t sure you’d show up.”

Wash walked over to the bed, the smell of antiseptic gnawing at him. “How bad’s his hearing?”

Carolina opened her mouth, but York cut her off.

“Not that terrible. But if you’re gonna talk about me like I’m not right here, you could at least speak up and enunciate.”

“Sorry, I- sorry,” Wash said, pulling a chair up to the bed. “How’s it feel?”

York laughed, and Carolina softened for a moment at the sound. “I’ve had a morphine drip for hours. It’s feeling preetty good, all things considered.”

Considering what? Wash didn’t know what happened, and he didn’t think asking was the right thing to do.

Where were Maine and Wyoming?

Wash looked at Carolina; her eyes were cast down, and he thought he could see tears welling at the corners. He started to fidget with the cuffs of his jacket, looking down at his shoes.

After a silence that stretched out longer than he wanted to count, he started an apology, standing up slowly, but York reached out and grabbed the front of his coat with a damaged hand.

“Come on, Wash. You came all this way; might as well stay awhile.” The corners of York’s lips twitched upwards, but his eyes- his eye- wasn’t smiling. “You haven’t even gone to the cafe. Hear the coffee’s pretty bad.”

Sitting back down, Wash ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m surprised you didn’t land on your phone and call me.”

“Next time I eat windshield, I’ll have you on speed dial,” York quipped.

“I don’t even know if you’re kidding,” said Wash.

York winked at him.

 

 

 

“Hey, ‘Lina, can I see my phone for a second?”

She groaned, reaching into her bag. “If I’d known you’d be asking for it all night, I never would have agreed to be your designated texter.”

She stopped when she looked at the screen.

“What is it? ‘S it cracked?” York came up next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

On the screen was the call log.

46 outgoing calls to David Washington. All unanswered.

Carolina covered her mouth with a hand. York could not stand up straight, doubled over laughing.

“You’ve got a voicemail.”

“We’ll listen to it tomorrow.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> my blog is four7niner.tumblr.com


End file.
